Nov 5, 2012

A season of many naps

For some reason I wouldn't be able to explain, the Bay reminds me of this song I learned in grade school choir.  We always sang it in canon: "By the waters of Babylon/We lay down and wept/We remember thee, Zion."
To all of you well-intentioned, shoulder-patting, suddenly-wise-and-theological crazy people out there: you're being awkward.  You are doing nothing constructive by telling me that "at least she's not sick anymore!"  Offer me all the hackneyed platitudes you want, bud, but do it at your own risk - the risk being that I will find the energy to explode at you.

Whew.  Now, to the rest of you:

This is a season of many naps.

I don't lose it every five minutes anymore, thank goodness.  Apparently, though, the way I now deal with stress is by napping - just set the sleep timer on my iPod and play Solitaire until I drift off.  It doesn't matter where I am, either (i.e. coach bus, library, bedroom) - anything goes.  Given that my sleep patterns have never been quite normal, this is a kind of improvement (albeit a jump to the opposite end of the spectrum).

I highly recommend this method of problem-solving (or avoidance, if you really want to get technical here).  See, sleep doesn't involve remembering, or forming coherent sentences, or anything else that is proving to be quite problematic at the moment.  It's just...well, it works.  Can we just leave it at that?

Why the soliloquy?  Well, it's come to my attention that people are exhausting.  Dealing with that harebrained, woefully oblivious tour guide was exhausting.  Talking to people in general is exhausting (especially when they ask me how I am.  How do you think I am?)  Being around people in general is exhausting.  It's like I need recovery time from people - yes, more R&R than the I in ISFJ would warrant.

I remember - often.  And it's like getting the wind knocked out of me...breathing becomes a labor of love and anger and acrid, coppery regret.  Why?  Because of what I remember.  I remember that bodies stop.  Did you know that?  They do.  And one day, I'll learn the technicalities of how hearts and lungs function.  I'll also learn the technicalities of how they fail to function.  I'll probably learn more than my brain can handle, and that will be medical school and I am determined to love every minute of it, even from way over here in November.

My point?  Yes, I'll learn.  But I'm not sure that I'll ever understand.

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